Four

Holden turned 4 today. Wow, I still can't believe it. 2 years ago, this week, we received the diagnosis of PDD-NOS (autism). I remember it like yesterday. I wrote a whole post about remembering that week, and the weeks prior - when we realized what was going on with him. But, I decided to delete it. I won't focus on the past anymore, but rather look forward to the future. So, this is going to be a post about positive things! About how far he's come and how far he WILL go.

I was thinking this morning, after I gave Holden a cupcake (GFCF, of course) for breakfast that I honestly could not remember his 3rd birthday. I know, I know, it's horrible. But, it's true. I remember thinking when he turned 3 that I had no idea who my son was. I didn't know his likes, or dislikes. I don't know if I even bought him a gift - although, I suspect I did. I just can't remember what it was, or if he liked it. He was so incredibly lost just 1 year ago. I think I spent most of his 3rd birthday crying, to be honest.

About a week leading up to this birthday, I started having a bit of panic. I didn't want another birthday to go by and him not understand. Or, for me not to know what to do to make his day "special". I decided to just go with it and I planned a little birthday celebration with his class at school and his teacher was all for it. So, yesterday I took in cupcakes and a few goodies for his classmates (who are also all autistic) and Jackson and I went in to celebrate with him at school. His teachers were there and also his speech therapist. I remember she said to me "everyone loves Holden here - he's such a special little boy!" And I honestly felt like she meant it. Holden LOVED everyone singing Happy Birthday to him. He even tried to sing along, and got the biggest smile when we all clapped afterwards. It was almost as if he realized ... HEY, this is for me!! Afterwards, they had planned an egg hunt and I thought to myself ... this should be fun. I'm sure he won't "get it". I know, optimistic of me, huh?! But, we went outside and I showed him an egg on the ground and told him to pick it up and put it in his bag. He did! And then, he looked around and saw more. He picked up the rest all on his own and had so much fun doing it. I was so proud of him.

This morning, he had cupcakes for breakfast. He got a tricycle-type bike to ride and loved it. I think he really loved the noises, lights, and all the buttons, but still - he liked it! He and Jackson PLAYED this morning, too. They were chasing each other and although it only lasted for about 5 minutes ... they played. Together. And they were both laughing. Together. We then took him to lunch at a Gluten-free restaurant. He actually ate the food, which surprised me. He's a bit picky, or so I thought. But, apparently I was wrong, he tried a few things and seemed to not have any trouble with it! Then, we all had yet another cupcake to celebrate his day.

Then, off to the Wiggly Play Center. I was a little concerned about taking him there, too. Would the other kids freak him out? Would the noise bother him? Would he just do "stimmy walks" around the place and touch the walls? The last time we took him to a place like this, he had absolutely NO interest. That was about 8 months ago. Well, I'm happy to report he loved it! He had a blast (and so did Jackson). He didn't play with other kids, but then again, none of the other kids were playing with other kids either! He went through all the tunnels, bouncy houses, and slides. We bought him a Wiggles hat and shirt and left for home.

He was beat after today. He's now in bed, sleeping like a baby...but, a baby who just turned 4. Some words and phrases I heard from him today:

"Jackson, NO!"
"Happy birthday"
"Wiggles"
"Cake!"
"More cards" (for his language builder cards)
"pee pee in the potty"
"I love you"

There were probably more, and I just realized while typing this that I don't know if I can even keep count of his words and phrases anymore! Which is soooo exciting. This time last year, I didn't know if he would ever say a word, to be honest. Although, most people can't understand what he's saying ... I can. And I know he's talking and I know he's trying to say more. I also know what he likes. He loves the Wiggles, Little Einsteins, his language builder cards, balls, slides, his new trike, beads, puzzles, being outside, hugs, kisses, tickles...and the list goes on. I know my kid. I know who he is now, and although it's taken 2 long years to get to this point, it's so worth it now.

He has come so far in the past year and I am so very proud of him. I know he works incredibly hard, for such simple things that come easily to other 4 year olds. I also know that the next year will bring many more UPs...and also a few downs. But, I am committed to his recovery and I will not let him down. We're healing his body, one day at at time.

So, happy birthday beautiful boy! We love you more than words can say. A few pictures from his special (2) days!

huh.

When I picked up Holden from school yesterday, I assumed I was right. The other shoe DID drop. They said he had a few tantrums, which isn't typical of him. He screamed when redirected and not allowed to line up a few toys. So, I was prepared when I got home, and sure enough...when I took away his language builder cards (because he wasn't looking at the pictures or labeling them, they were all over the floor) and offered him a book/magazine instead, he freaked. Screamed and started scooting around on the floor - which is what he does when he's mad, apparently. It lasted for a good 10 minutes or so, then he calmed down and ate dinner. He was in bed at the regular time, for him, around 7pm.

The one thing though that hasn't stopped is his spontaneous language. He had a few behavior issues yesterday - which like I said - is not normal for him. But, he maintained the "more verbal" part. When Jackson does something he's not supposed to do...Holden will now say "Jackson, No!". It's appropriate, and really is when Jackson's doing something he shouldn't be doing.

One thing I did notice yesterday. (Those of you who wish to NOT discuss poop should log off now). I could tell yesterday that he had to go poop. He will do a "poo dance", as I call it. I could tell he needed to go and he went to the bathroom a few times, but didn't go. This morning, he FINALLY went. And seemed a lot happier afterwards (aren't we all?!). So, makes me wonder if yesterday, he was in pain and just frustrated easily because of the discomfort? I've decided to monitor his progress a little more closely to see if after a few days of not going - what his behavior is like. Could be something. Could be nothing. As usual, you never know.

waiting for the other shoe to drop

We typically chelate on Friday nights. We're supposed to be using a combo of DMSA and EDTA (2 suppositories - 20-30 minutes apart), but lately, I've only been able to get 1 in and disolved well enough that I know his body has absorbed it. We're going to look into changing his chelation schedule when I see his doctor on the 16th. I'd like to begin chelating twice a week, instead of just once.

I've noticed the past 2 weeks (we've been chelating going on 4 weeks now), that when we do it on Friday ... his Saturday's aren't so great. He acts as though he doesn't feel well all day Saturday and is somewhat "out of it". I'm assuming his little body is just not feeling well, seeing as it's detoxing. BUT, then, by Sunday - the change is really just short of amazing. Sunday's he's happy, smiling, enteracting, great eye contact, etc. etc. etc. He tries to verbalize more, too. Sunday, we went kite flying and he absolutely loved it. There was a ravine close by in the field and he would go to the edge of it and when I called him, he would stop dead in his tracks - look at me - and come back. He never once tried to run away from me, and listened when I told him to "come here" every.single.time.

so happy!


he LOVED the ladybug we found.




When we got home, I told him, completely out of habit, to "take off your jacket". I turned and he immediately started to unzip his jacket and take it off. He typically doesn't follow simple commands like this, but Sunday - it was as if he understood everything I said and followed the directions I gave him. This week, the "good" has lasted up to now. Yesterday (Monday) morning, he went into the other room where Zoe was talking to me and said ... "Hi Wo-wie!", he can't quite say "Zoe" yet. Needless to say, Zoe was as surprised as I was. He's said that before, but only after prompting. This was full-on-spontaneous-language. Then this morning, while I was getting him dressed, he kept hugging me and laughing and playing and looking RIGHT at me for more than the typical 1.5 seconds or so. He was just so happy and animated. ANIMATED. My kid. The one with autism.

So, now, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know that he will level off today or tomorrow, if history is a predictor of the future. Then we start all over on Friday with chelation and hopefully see the gains again by Sunday. I can't help but feel that if we could keep his body detoxing and get him "cleaned out" more than just once a week, we may be able to keep the "good" for longer than Mon-Tues or Wed. That's the goal of our doctor's appointment on the 16th - to figure out how to keep him on a high, most of the time.

Note: So far, yeast seems to be under control.

oprah

I was watching yesterday's Oprah last night (thank god for DVR) and it was a show on motherhood and how difficult it is. Mother's were discussing all of the things no one ever told them about being a mom. How they are always exhausted, have no time for themselves, and just how hard the "job" of motherhood really is.

I listened to the moms on the show, and I couldn't agree with them more. I think being a mom is the hardest thing I do and have ever done. I also think that having a child with autism increases that by 100%. Not only am I a mom, but I'm also my son's advocate, therapist, teacher, and nurse.

It made me wonder. If Oprah had a studio full of mom's with children on the spectrum, what would that have been like?! Because, although motherhood is incredibly tough, it's also the most rewarding experience of my life.

World Autism Awareness Day (WAAD)

Today is World Autism Awareness Day. It's really unlike every other day for our family, as we're reminded of Autism...every. single. day. But today, I don't feel as alone because I know there are so many families uniting together to bring more awareness to Autism. I have made a choice to devote myself to the cause, to raising awareness, to helping people understand the disorder, to finding a cure. I pray that my son will be one of the lucky ones who recover from Autism. If he does, I know that I will never give up fighting for other children and families who suffer. If he doesn't ... Well, I won't say "if he doesn't", because I will never give up on his recovery.

Support WAAD. If you know someone who has a child with Autism, or is affected themselves - show compassion today.

I AM SPEECHLESS

click on the title of the post.

spontaneous language!

so, as i'm throwing myself a pity party last week - here's how quick things turn around. autism = roller coaster.

today, i picked up holden early from school and his teacher told me that he said "bye-bye" to his classmates WITHOUT prompting. then, we got home and he climbed up on the couch and said "too off". too = shoe. took his shoes off. got up and ran to the bathroom saying "pee pee in the potty!".

since he will be 4 on april 10th, i've been hoping and praying for his speech to take a huge leap. most of his language is either prompted, or echolalia. so, any spontaneous language is great for us!!!

my kid is a rockstar.

monday

so i was able to spend a little time away this weekend. i went to see a movie and "chill" by myself. it was nice. i needed it. i feel better than i did when i posted the last post. we chelated on friday night. a combination of EDTA & DMSA (2 suppositories). he was able to tolerate the DMSA this time, so that's great. i know we get better pulls when we do the combo. i worried a little that we'd have to go back to only EDTA after the first 2 tries, but this time, it was fine. so, next weekend, we'll do the same. saturday was rough, as it always is the day after chelation. thankfully, that's the day i had some time for myself. it's hard to watch him when he's having a tough time. yesterday (sunday) was better. he was more aware, and more verbal - whereas on saturday, it was tough to get him to say the things he always says ... without prompting. and yesterday evening, we were back to the 6:30, 7pm bedtime, so that was nice.

we'll see what this week holds, but i'm optimistic once more.

one of those days. the ones i hate having.

So, I just sent this to a friend of mine. I'm posting it here, too, because I know there are other moms out there feeling the exact same thing. And somehow that makes me feel a teeny tiny bit better. Lucky friend, huh?!

I'm afraid I'm not much (good) company today. Today's one of "those" days. I'm questioning everything about Holden and his hopeful recovery. Are we doing enough? Should we have stayed with our doctor in Tampa? Even if we wanted to, we couldn't, because he doesn't file insurance so we couldn't afford $300 visits each month. They see patients all over the world, so being here isn't a problem. We could have phone appts. But, like I said - we can't afford them. Is there something I'm missing? A therapy? Supplement? Treatment? Did we make the right decision to leave Dr. Berger's practice? I mean, isn't it worth living out of a paperbag if we have to, to get him the best treatment possible? I feel like we're dragging along now...not making much progress at all. What am I doing wrong? Why isn't he making more progress with speech? Why is he up everynight this week til 9pm, stimming away in the bedroom until his little body gives up and finally goes to sleep because it has no choice?

I guess it's just been a tough week, transitioning back to school. I keep telling myself that it's because he just needs to get back into the "groove" and that he'll be fine and we'll continue on the road to recovery and making progress.

But he will be 4 in exactly 15 days and that scares me. I had hoped we would be so much further along when he turned 4. Two years ago, I looked at "4" and thought that he would definitely be able to understand it was his birthday by then, surely, right? And, he would be talking in sentences, and telling me he loves me, right? And he would be playing with his little brother by then, and enjoying others, right? At least a little. Those are the thoughts I had and none of them are coming true and it just really really sucks.

missing the 6:30pm bedtimes

It's 8pm and Holden's still awake. SO not like him. Not sure what's going on, but I'm giving in a few days and hopefully I'll have my sleeping little angel back! uggg.

regressions? transitions?

Holden went back to school on Monday after Spring Break and a visit with grandma. She was in town the whole week. He cried when I dropped him off on Monday, but was okay Tuesday and today. He STILL has not used the bathroom at school. He's holding it all day and going when he gets home. The kid must have a bladder of steel. I just wished he'd go...just once, so he could get some praise and reinforcement and know that it's "okay" to go there.

He's been coming home from school and stimming, pretty much constantly until dinner/bath/bed. He used to be out like a light by 6:30, 7:00pm. The past 2 nights, he's been up till 8, 8:45pm. He'll go to bed, but seems to lay there and stim for hours before he falls asleep.

I'm hoping this is all due to the transition of going back to school and that by tomorrow, or Friday, he will be back on track. I haven't done anything else differently, so its all I can come up with that may be causing his current issues. He's a little more withdrawn, spacey, and less verbal. He's not labeling his language builder cards as much, but merely stimming off of them - flipping through them over and over again.

Please God let this end soon! Here's to another ride on the rollercoaster that is autism...

(appropriate) spontaneous language

I noticed today that Holden's saying more things without prompts. Some things he's saying now, spontaneously:

"pee pee in the potty"
"undies up!"
"pants up!"
"juice"
"cookie"
"cake"
"cards" (for language builder cards - loves these)
"book"
"tree" (while we were riding in the car and driving by trees)
"all done!"
"wash" (for washing his hands after potty)
"flush" (for the toilet, obviously)
"iggles" (wiggles)

He's labeling lots of things now, too. And taking objects and counting them (like he's doing now with GFCF pretzels). He's also copying Jackson alot. Jackson says "sissy, bubba, sissy, bubba". Holden looks at him and starts doing the same thing now. And sometimes, it's spontaneous and he just says it on his own.

Right now, he's outside sitting at a table, counting pretzels with his grandmother.

And his eye contact today? Insanely great!

OHHHH, and today, I took this picture of him. Playing with a firetruck - yes, appropriately. AND without prompting. He just went to it and started playing.


Today's a good day.

Blinders Won't Reduce Autism - By Jon Poling

Dr. Jon Poling, an Athens neurologist, is an assistant professor at the Medical College of Georgia. His daughter, Hannah Poling, has been a successful petitioner in the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program.

Blinders Won't Reduce Autism

Friday, March 13, 2009

For the million plus American families touched by autism, like mine, there is real urgency to find scientific answers to help loved ones and prevent future victims. Unfortunately, some doctors still fail to even accept the increasing autism rate as real, rather than their own better diagnosis. The collateral damage of 'better diagnosis', the idea that we are simply better at detecting autism, is the abandonment of families coping with autism by the medical establishment, government and private insurance companies.

Beyond the high emotional toll autism takes on a family, many have been financially ruined. Public school systems are drowning in the red ink of educating increasing numbers of special-needs students. Fortunately, the 'better diagnosis' myth has been soundly debunked. In the 2009 issue of Epidemiology, two authors analyzed 1990 through 2006 California Department of Developmental Services and U.S. Census data documenting an astronomical 700 to 800 percent rise in the disorder. These scientists concluded that only a smaller percentage of this staggering rise can be explained by means other than a true increase.

Because purely genetic diseases do not rise precipitously, the corollary to a true autism increase is clear -- genes only load the gun and it is the environment that pulls the trigger. Autism is best redefined as an environmental disease with genetic susceptibilities.

We should be investing our research dollars into discovering environmental factors that we can change, not more poorly targeted genetic studies that offer no hope of early intervention. Pesticides, mercury, aluminum, several drugs, dietary factors, infectious agents and yes ” vaccines” are all in the research agenda.

An inspiring new text, "Autism-Current Theories and Evidence" has successfully navigated the minefield of autism science without touching the third rail, as Dr. Sanjay Gupta aptly describes the vaccine-autism debate. Dr. John Zimmerman, who has studied autism for decades, prophetically writes, "The clinical heterogeneity of this disorder, together with the inherent dynamic changes during children's growth and development, confound static, linear models and simplistic, unilateral approaches."

Zimmerman's book is dense with cutting-edge science on cell biology, metabolism, oxidative stress, neuroinflammation, auto-immunity and brain pathology. That's right, autism isn't simply a genetic program for brain development gone awry. Dr. Martha Herbert, of Harvard Medical School, writes the final chapter defining autism in the larger framework of a multiple organ system disease with potentially reversible impairments.

As an affected parent, I am left with a sense of hope that these professionals will produce results to stem the tide of new autism cases and ameliorate symptoms of those currently suffering. On the other hand, Dr. Paul Offit, the vaccine inventor whose Rotateq royalty interests recently sold for a reported $182 million, has written a novel of perceived good and evil called "Autism's False Prophets" The tome is largely a dramatic account of why Offit, who self-admittedly is not an autism expert, feels vaccines should be exonerated in the autism epidemic. In the story, Offit takes no prisoners, smearing characters in the vaccine-autism controversy as effortlessly as a rich cream cheese. "False Prophets" has curiously garnered support from several senior physicians in respected medical journals.

After Offit's drama is complete, these cheerleaders fail to realize they have traveled the road labeled "Dead End -- No Through Traffic". In his epilogue, Offit credits autism parents who have likewise gone down the dead end path to autism acceptance, without search for cause or cure.

As both parent and doctor, I cannot fathom turning my back on a child nor science, in order to avoid inconvenient questions about vaccine safety or any other reasonable environmental factor.

President Obama has recognized that we've seen just a skyrocketing autism rate and plans to appoint an autism czar to coordinate his policy efforts. Science is moving forward to connect the three dots of environment, genes and plasticity of a developing child's brain circuitry. In the end, logic and reason will prevail over politics and profits.

update on language, etc...

I haven't posted much lately about Holden's speech and how it's improving. I wanted to create a post to remind me of what's he's done lately.

About 3 weeks ago, I started something new - supplement wise. A friend told me about a "mitochondrial cocktail" and what she had done with her son - who's DAN doctor suspected a mito-disorder. Now, a while back, we had Holden screened for mito issues. His tests did show a severe carnitine deficiency. His other tests did not point to any major mito issues. However, due to the delicate nature of the tests - and the fact that they needed to be processed IMMEDIATELY to produce accurate results - I think we may have gotten a false negative. We had his bloodwork done and they had to ship off the blood to another lab - which took at least overnight. These tests needed to be done in-house, however, we couldn't find a local hospital that would do the tests in-house. So, we settled for the next best thing.

Anyway, Holden displays a lot of symptoms of a mitochondrial disorder. A list of symptoms can be seen here: .

So, a friend told me how she had started supplementing with CoQ10 & Riboflavin (Vit B2). I decided to give it a try and started about 3 weeks ago. Only giving a very small dose of both at first to make sure Holden could/would tolerate both.

Now, I'm not sure if it was just a coincidence, or if it has anything to do with it, but it seems that he's much happier, more engaging, eye contact is better, and his speech is noticably improving. He's singing along with the TV. He's using a LOT of echolalia now, and even has some appropriate responses to questions. He's labeling like crazy - language builder cards are his favorite, but labeling pictures in books, on tv, etc. Labels I've heard lately: baby, dog, pants, shirt, ball, duck, kitty cat, grass, chair, and the list goes on and on and on. He even knows his brother's name now when asked "who is this?" and pointing to Jackson. He also says "Hi Zoe", and "Bye Zoe" when she's dropped off at school and picked up. Those 2 things are prompted, but that's okay! The labeling is not prompted though.

So, who knows if it has anything to do with the CoQ10 or B2, but I'm going to continue, just in case.

potty training

We started potty training, hesitantly, on February 23rd. Needless to say, I was extremely stressed even thinking about potty training. It was written into his IEP with the school district, so thankfully, I had the expertise of his teacher (ABA therapist). They follow the Azrin & Foxx method of potty training and she explained everything to me in detail before we started. There's a punishment component to this method, which is what had me the most nervous. I prayed and prayed and prayed there would be FEW accidents so that we didn't have to implement "positive practice" very often.

Well, I am happy and proud to report that 3 full days after starting the program, he initiated on his own. Meaning, he went into the bathroom (without prompts), pulled his pants down (without help), sat on the potty, and went! All unprompted. All on his own. We still had a few accidents even after the 1st initiation. And the 1st weekend at home with him was ... really really stressful for me. We only had 1 accident, on Saturday morning, but after that, he insisted on sitting on the potty for what seemed like hours at a time. I finally gave up and just let him come out when he was ready. I think, looking back, that he was trying extremely hard to avoid "positive practice" and figured if he just sat on the potty, there would be no accidents.

We made it through that weekend and by Wednesday - he brought home his official "potty training certificate"! So, he was officially potty trained. In order for it to be "official", he had to have 20 initiations (like what I mentioned above) WITHOUT any accidents. He did it! Goodbye pullups! And, technically, it only took 9 days. NINE days to potty train. It took me 9 months (or that's what it felt like) to potty train Zoe. Now, mind you, he's still not entirely BM trained ... but that's coming. And, he has gone poop in the potty plenty of times over the past 2 weeks, so he knows what he's supposed to do. He's just a tad bit scared and nervous to sit on the potty and actually go, I think. But, if he picked up on the "pee-pee in the potty", as he says, then it shouldn't be much of a problem to get everything in the potty.

I'm so proud of him.

Video

I Love You

I've been waiting sooooo long to hear "I Love You" from Holden, unprompted. He'll say it, if we say..."Say I love you". Or, if we say "I love you", we'll get echolalia and he'll repeat.

Today, I made him come to me and I told him I wanted a hug. So he threw his arms around my neck. While I was hugging him, he said "I tuh you". My response? "I tuh you too!"

I love that kid.

They're Autistic -- and They're in Love

click on the title of the post - it's worth reading, when you have time.

vaccines didn't cause autism - or so they say, yet again

Click on the title to link to the CNN story.

This burns me. Someone on CNN made a comment about the story and it's so true. Just like he said ... Pharm companies will always win when it comes to these battles. Because, you can't fight the system with the system. They'll win everytime.

For those of us who live "autism" everyday, we know there's a reason our TYPICAL child regressed after being sick immediately following a set of vaccines. It's just that simple. There are millions of us. Yet, they still refuse to listen. Instead, they post stories like this because (hopefully) the pharm companies are finally taking a hit because people are choosing not to vaccinate. Look at the billboards - they're all over the place. Commercials about vaccinating your babies. You wouldn't have seen these, not even a year ago. So, at least we're making an impact as parents of children affected by vaccines. As Jenny says ... STUDY OUR KIDS. Test kids to make sure they can tolerate the vaccines. It seems so simple, yet they refuse, and instead, publish stories like this so that we all look crazy.

Me = pissed.

hopes, dreams & wishes

When I pick Holden up from school, they bring him (and other kids in his class) out before the chaos of the actual dismissal bell. So, I usually pull up around 2:30pm, and they bring him out around 2:55pm. Normally, Jackson sleeps while we sit and wait. There's either a middle school or high school in the area as well, and everyday, I watch kids walk by - walking home from school. They're older. Probably in the age range of 12-16 or so. Typically, it's the same kids, sometimes they're different. Today, I realized that I do the same thing each time I see them. I watched one boy, probably 14, 15 years old today, and thought to myself ... God, I pray Holden will be able to do that. I pray he'll walk home from school like other "normal" kids. I hope he'll be independent and be a "typical" teenager. I watched as this kid listened to his iPod, with his backpack on, and typical teenager jeans and tennis shoes. I wondered if he were going home to do homework? Was he going home to get online and talk to his friends? Was he going home to help out around the house (yeah right!)? What was a typical afternoon for him? And I thought, and wondered...does his mother have any idea how incredibly lucky she is that she has healthy (I'm guessing), typical children?

I have to say that I feel a little guilty for thinking these thoughts. I think it's because I've had people tell me that I should love Holden "just the way he is", and not "try to change him to be something he's not". To "accept him!".

My response to those people who think that is I DO love him just the way he is. I love him, unconditionally. How could I not? He's my child. However, I refuse to believe that my little boy is the same inside as he is on the outside. Before he regressed, he was there. The light was on. His eyes sparkled. He laughed. He smiled. His eyes lit up when he saw us come through the door after a day out. He loved his sister. He loved our dog. He played with them both. He tried to communicate.

After he regressed, it all went away. No eye contact. No happiness. No interaction. No hugs. No sparkle in his eyes. Nothing.

I know that my son is still in that little body and mind and soul. I know that the sparkle is there, the love, the hugs, kisses, interaction and sense of humor. So, I refuse to "accept him" the way he is. I will fight to get him back until I do. In the meantime, I appreciate so much, his little triumphs and accomplishments. I savor the hugs (although not often), the kisses. And, I hope, dream, and wish for his recovery, and for the day I can watch him walking home from school with his iPod, backpack, and know that he's going home to be a "typical" teenager.