karate kid

zoe has recently been promoted to her orange belt in tai kwon do. she was so proud of herself! course, not nearly as proud as her daddy and me. putting her in tai kwon do was a really good thing. they teach discipline, respect, etc. more than just defending yourself, which is enough these days! especially for little girls. we signed her up for the leadership program, so now she'll go two days a week for class, and one day a week for sparing. and they'll teach her more on a one on one basis to help advance her belt status. you boys better BACK OFF! Kick some ass, baby!

i did it!

that's my girl!

can i have that? i'll put it back, i promise.

holden has a new thing. he likes removing things from whereever they are, and then putting them all back. he does this with EVERYTHING. we have a basket where all of our shoes are in next to the door. he takes out all of the shoes. then puts them back in. he does this with laundry, too. takes all of the clothes out of the basket, then puts them back in. drawers in the kitchen, takes out the kitchen towels and oven mitts, only to put them back. takes his toys out of the wine cabinet (which i should just rename as holden's toybox), then puts them back. he does this a lot. i watch him and just wonder what could possibly be going through his little mind and how he finds this the least bit amusing. it would be great (seeing as he puts things up), cept, after about the 3rd time, he usually decides to NOT put things back where he got them.

feeding bella (our dog) has gotten out of control. at least 40-50% of holden's meals are fed to the dog. he waits for her, then holds his food out (down) so she can reach him and then feeds her. or, he'll just throw the food on the floor and watch her eat. he finds this funny. bella does, too.


a year in review

holden is a year old today. it's amazing how time flies! we've been so busy this past year, it just doesn't seem possible that he's a year old.

at 1 year, he's walking all over the place. he's saying "dada", "mama", "nana", "book", "bella", and i suspect he's saying something that means "zoe", such as "yo-yo". he's into EVERYTHING. all of the drawers and cabinets in the house have been cleared out as much as possible. he loves his soccer balls and kicks them around the house all the time. he loves bike rides. and he just wants to be outside all. of. the. time.

we had a party for him on saturday. my brother and sister in law's anniversary was on sunday, so, we went indoor skydiving on sunday to just celebrate it all at once. seriously, that was the most fun i've had in a long time. today, i'm sore. dunno why, but my arm pits are killing me. i guess it's the skydiving position or something. anyway, i will definitely do it again.

while we were all getting dressed for the skydiving, poor holden fell and hit the side of his face - his cheek bone - on a metal bench. he now has a horrible bruise on his right cheek. just in time for his first birthday pictures. can't wait to get going on that scrapbook page.

so, here's to another year of bliss!! happy birthday baby boy!


Am I Crazy?

I think I may be. Crazy, that is. For 3 nights in a row, I've laid in bed and had thoughts of having another baby. Holden will be a year old on Monday, April 10th. Zoe will be 7 this year. Maybe it's because I'll be 36 this year, and I know that I'm at, or close to, the "now or never" stage. Sure, women are having kids well into their 40's and even 50's these days. But, that's just not for me.

I can't help but think about how difficult my 2 pregnancies were. It took 23 hours of labor for Zoe to arrive. She developed asthma pretty much from day 1, and spent at least a month total in the hospital in the first 2 years of her life. Not to mention, most of that time, I was a single parent. So, basically - NO sleep until she was at least 3, and until Dietrich came into our lives to help with her. With Holden, I developed gestational diabetes and eventually had to give myself 2 shots of insulin a day to try and control it. Still didn't work, my sugars were out of control - even with the diet and insulin injections. I counted down the seconds until the c-section so that it would be over. He was born with bi-lateral kidney reflux, which isn't too much of a big deal. Except for during routine tests, we recently found out that he has an obstruction in his left kidney that will more than likely require surgery over the next few months. I can't even stand the thought of him going through major surgery like that. The lack of sleep over the past 7 years of my life has been, well, not easy.

But, although it hasn't been easy, being a mom has been the best thing I've ever done. I love it. I'm in a position where I can stay home with Holden. I can take Zoe to school in the mornings, pick her up in the afternoons, and actually spend time with my kids. Watching them grow has given me more happiness than anything else in my life. Another question I ask myself is: if we had another baby, would I still be in the position financially to stay home with the kids? Another thing to think about.

So, even with all of the reasons why NOT to have another baby; I look at the 2 I have and wonder why in the world I wouldn't want just 1 more. At the same time, I look at the 2 wonderful children I'm blessed with, and know I should just be thankful that I have them (which I am!), since a lot of people aren't able to experience being a parent for many different reasons.

As you can see, I'm confused.

I think I may be crazy.