7.14.2008

one day at a time

I have always been a worrier. I worry about everything under the sun. Most of the time, I worry about things that haven't even happened yet. I worry about things that "could" possibly happen. I worry about the future.

One thing living with autism has taught me is to just take one day at a time. Live for today, concentrate on today, celebrate all of today's moments, and not worry about what tomorrow will bring. It's hard for me, because, like I said, I've always been a worrier!

Here's an example. We're moving to Texas. My husband's switching jobs. He's being laid off from his current job, but we're not exactly sure when. He's interviewing in Dallas at the end of this week and hoping he gets an offer. Before Holden's diagnosis, if I were in this situation, I wouldn't be sleeping. I would be worrying. Worrying about WHEN exactly we were moving. Worrying about imposing on my brother's twin brother and his family (because we will be staying with them for the first few weeks we're there, until we find a place). I would be a mess. BUT, lucky for me, my son's diagnosis has taught me that it doesn't help to worry. It doesn't help to not sleep. It doesn't help to worry about things that just haven't happened yet.

I've mentioned this before, but, when we first got the diagnosis a little over a year ago, I didn't sleep or eat or do much of anything for 2 solid weeks. I lost 11 lbs (and was 2 months pregnant), cried 23 out of the 24 hours in a day, and had dreams about my son and his future for the 1 hour out of the day that I did sleep. I worried about him having friends one day, going to birthday parties, going to the prom, having a girlfriend, a job, a family.

Then another mom told me something that stuck with me and still does to this day. She said "Forget what you're feeling. Forget that you're upset. Forget your feelings, for now anyway." She said that I have to focus ALL of my attention and efforts on Holden's recovery. That I have to be strong, at least for the next few years, while we go through this journey. She couldn't have been more right...

And, little did I know that it would teach me patience and to relax when it comes to everything in my life. So, that's what I try to do.

3 comments:

Maddy said...

Good for you dear. I also found I couldn't eat or sleep. I had no kindly soul to tell me to take it one day at a time, so I just rushed around like Sonic the Hedgehog, but less effective.

I calmed down a bit since then.

Cheers

Bratmom said...

Isnt it amazing what having a child with autism can teach you... good luck with everything

Rachael said...

I'm glad you can be relaxed about it all. I am still a worrier. Although not so much about Gavin and his future anymore, just life in general. I decided to just find peace in the way Gavin was made and to trust in God that things will always be okay for him.